What No One Tells You About Being Pregnant


I know this is a repost to many but somehow I accidentally deleted this post and all your sweet comments!  Words can not describe how bummed I am.  

Men: (if there are any) please stop reading. It will scar you. Just stop. It’s about to get real and graphic up in here.

People will just come up and rub your belly without asking. Seriously and it got old and creepy fast. One male co-worker would always rub the lower part of my belly so one day I reached my hand out, rubbed his belly, and asked when he was due. Let’s just say he never touched my belly again.

When your water breaks it doesn’t stop till the baby is born. How come no one told me that tidbit of information? My water broke at 3 am and I didn’t give birth until 12 hours later. First off, I was hoping my water wasn’t going to break so I could hold off going to the hospital as long as possible. If you didn’t know, you have to go to the hospital within the next hour after your water breaks. I was standing at the hospital check-in desk doing the potty dance because my water was everywhere and dripping down my legs. So embarrassing.

Glow? Psh! How about teenage acne on steroids! Okay so mine wasn’t that bad. I started off with a glow and 6 months in I had forehead pimples. Ugh. They lasted for only a couple weeks, but talk about insecurity at its finest.

Stretch mark creams do nothing. I slathered on belly creams, butters, and oils at least 5 times a day everyday. You would think I wouldn’t have any stretch marks right? Wrong. I look like a crazed tiger attacked me. Let’s just say I don’t know if I will ever feel comfortable in a bikini again.

A surprising amount of men are attracted to you. I was surprised how often I was hit on with a basketball belly. Like seriously?! I’m fat, I have intense farts, and there’s a human being inside me. One guy told me I was the hottest pregnant chick he has ever seen. I responded with “What about your wife who had your four kids?!” Some men disgust me. Others seem to like the fact that you’re fertile. Cavemen.

Everything gets darker during pregnancy. I’m talking poop, your nips, and the line on your stomach. Luckily things go back to normal afterwords.

Don’t have difficult veins like me. The nurse will have problems and your blood will squirt all over her face.Granted this isn’t pregnancy related but it happened to me. I had to go back for more blood work to prove I didn’t give the poor nurse any diseases.

You can’t eat during labor. When my water broke I went straight to the hospital and didn’t feel any contractions until 8 hours later. Let’s just say homegirl was hungry and watching Pat eat Subway in front of me did not make me happy.

Don’t think you won’t be a part of the 1% statistics. My last month of pregnancy I had a condition called PUPPPS. Basically, I had hives all over my body from my torso to the soles of my feet…ouch! Walking would feel like I was stepping on bubble wrap, and I would scratch my feet like a dog. I would even wake up in the middle of the night bleeding because I was scratching myself in my sleep. I was told after I gave birth it would go away. Wrong. It went away about 2 weeks later when the pregnancy hormones started leaving my system. Let me tell you…PUPPPS is for the birds.

Childbirth can be fun. Hear me out. I think I had a good childbirth experience because I had a sucky last month of pregnancy. The doctor, nurses, Pat and I were laughing our butts off between contractions because we were watching Knocked Up. I was actually giving birth the same time Katherine Heigl’s character was, and my doctor was out of town like the movie. I wasn’t screaming in pain I was laughing! I had an epidural shortly before giving birth so that may have had something to do with it. I waited for as long as possible until I got it because I didn’t want to slow the process or receive any pit.

You’re going to wear diaper sized pads after birth. Why didn’t anyone tell me that? You seriously have the worst aunt flo for weeks. Plus, you have a cleaning ritual after each bathroom visit with a squirt bottle. No tp allowed. Oh yeah, and you rock some sexy mesh granny panties. If childbirth didn’t turn your man on these sure will.

Buy Tucks for after childbirth. You will thank me later.

You can’t control your gas. You probably already knew this, but it’s worth noting. I’ll just say I have a “friend” who ripped a big one in the middle of a busy store and waddled away as fast as possible while people laughed and stared in disgust. Again, not my…errr my friend’s…best moment.

You will get leg cramps up the ying yang. At least I did. It blew chunks. Every single night I would have the most excruciating leg cramps and it would get harder for me to do anything about it when I could barely grab my calves.

Your boobs will look awesome. I went from a D to a DDD. Then, after I quit breastfeed they were Cs. For a short period of time they were Bs and I cried in the Victoria’s Secret dressing room. Luckily, they don’t look like deflated balloons or something out of Nat Geo. Thank you boob genes!

Pregnancy brain is real. You might even put your milk in your cabinets. Just saying.

After you give birth your stomach laughs back at you. You laugh, your stomach laughs. It’s like it’s taunting you saying “you’re still fat, sucker!”

In the end, none of it matters because you have a beautiful baby in your arms.The moment I put Damian on my chest, called his name, and he looked lovingly at me is one of the best moments of my life. Your heart instantly melts and you aren’t aware of anything but the beautiful miracle.

 

  • Seriously, you might have scared me away. But I am positive that baby is completely worth all of the above:)

  • thank you for reminding me I can wait a few more years to have kids…ha

  • this is so funny but true!!…i had horrible pregnancy brain and my face broke out from my last pregnancy. It’s horrible

    http://www.prettylittledahlia.com

  • Lmao!! Not sure what I love more wearing diaper pads or tucks?! I’m an RN and when I did my OB/GYN rotation I quickly came to the notion that I would “wait a while” for kids. Sheesh!!
    Adrienne

  • OMG… I wish someone had told me about AFTER the birth. I knew there was going to be bleeding…. but, holy cow, it was so PAINFUL! I had several bouts of severe cramps where I was contracting (so the uterus could go back to normal?) I had no clue what was going on and was freaking out. Also, I now have a special gift I bring all the ladies I know who went through childbirth… and, I bring it to the hospital: tucks, stool looseners, prunes, lipgloss, a pressed powder, and a tube of cheek/eye/lip color stuff. Part of the gift is to make the bottom half work right, the other part is to make the top half feel right, fast. Good post!

  • Amazing entertaining informative post!! I really injoy your style of writing and had many laughs, thank you! I dropped over from Living in Yellow and am a new follower.

  • I love this! No one ever tells you how it really is.
    Although now I am a little scared to get pregnant – I am so looking forward to it!

  • Too funny and SO true! Thanks for the morning laugh! I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, so I didn’t endure everything you did, but I feel for ya!

  • Hey!

    Too true i gave birth in october via csection and was totally naive… catheter? Being shaved? This was a surprise!!!!!! I kinda thought i would ust roll my shirt up a little and they would cut her out . Loved this post.

    Bria
    Wigglelife.blogspot.com

  • Hey!

    Too true i gave birth in october via csection and was totally naive… catheter? Being shaved? This was a surprise!!!!!! I kinda thought i would ust roll my shirt up a little and they would cut her out . Loved this post.

    Bria
    Wigglelife.blogspot.com

  • Hey!

    Too true i gave birth in october via csection and was totally naive… catheter? Being shaved? This was a surprise!!!!!! I kinda thought i would ust roll my shirt up a little and they would cut her out . Loved this post.

    Bria
    Wigglelife.blogspot.com

  • Omygosh. I clearly have lots to look forward to when I decide the time is right to have kids. Thank you for sharing all of this. It’s stuff I definitely need to prepare myself. I always assumed that it’ll be a shock to me to see myself much larger than I’m used to, as well as all the changes to my body that come with it. This just goes to show how strong women are!

    For the record, you are definitely gorgeous when you’re pregnant! That’s such a nice picture of you!

  • Honesty is best! Great tips for people like me who want kids in the future!

    Love your blog! So glad I found it 🙂

    Would love if we could follow one another?? Let me know!

    http://cbijicollection.blogspot.ca/

  • Laughed so hard I was crying!!! Thank you so much for sharing your pain. Hubby and I are talking baby talk so this is great info.

    Thanks again!!!
    Andi
    alookatlifefromadifferentangle.blogspot.com

  • Jac

    Lol this is the best. I am seriously laughing out loud in the office so hard tears are coming out!! My favorite moments… intense farts; everything gets darker poop nips; cleaning ritual; sexy mesh; waddled away. Oh my gosh, the best post ever.

  • I just about died when I read “Childbirth can be fun” It was like you read my diary- haha! I was watching Knocked Up.. pushing at the same time Katherine Heigl was when I had my daughter!! A memory I will never forget; I think “Katherine” will have a special place in my heart- love this post 🙂

  • Awww but you were so cute and stylish pregnant! 🙂

    xoxo,

    Jules of Canines & Couture
    http://www.caninesandcouture.com

  • My doctors always told me you have 24 hours to get to the hospital after your water breaks. Mine broke and right after I took a shower, did my makeup, made some calls then went to the hospital.
    My skin was perfect the whole time I was pregnant.
    No morning sickness until 7 months in, lol.
    A lot of these are true though.
    I guys everyone is different during pregnancy.

  • yay, I’m Not The Only One Who Had The Puppp Rash! That Was The Worst! I Had It For 4 Months!!!

  • yay, I’m Not The Only One Who Had The Puppp Rash! That Was The Worst! I Had It For 4 Months!!!

  • OMG!!! I love you for your this post!I love how real it was! no eating during labor….what? I never knew that your water didnt stop running either!! i learned so much!

  • “I’m fat, I have intense farts, and there’s a human being inside me.” LOL!
    I didn’t know any of these things, except the giant pad thing. Found that out when my sister-in-law gave birth. The things are ginormous.

  • Samantha

    I love this! I have horrendous stretch marks too. I know this was a while ago, but did you find anything to help with them afterwards?!?

  • anonymous

    May I ask how you dealt with the acne? I am currently in week 8 (first time mom) and the acne is eating my face away around my chin and forehead and every visible place even body acne .. It’s extremely traumatizing and I don’t know what to do about it. I really loved your article and found it to be very honest and truthful unlike what people make pregnancy out to be lol !

    • Andrea McCann

      I really really loved the Mario Badescu Drying Lotion. I’ve used it since high school! It’s awesome. Make sure you don’t shake the bottle! Just dip a q tip in and apply on the zit 🙂 You can get it here: http://bit.ly/1T83PeY

  • Helvetica

    You are adorable pregnant in that picture! Funny about the “cavemen” hitting on you

What No One Tells You About Being Pregnant

Men: (if there are any) please stop reading.  It will scar you.  Just stop.  It’s about to get real and graphic up in here.

People will just come up and rub your belly without asking.  Seriously and it got old and creepy fast.  One male co-worker would always rub the lower part of my belly so one day I reached my hand out, rubbed his belly, and asked when he was due.  Let’s just say he never touched my belly again.

When your water breaks it doesn’t stop till the baby is born.  How come no one told me that tidbit of information?  My water broke at 3 am and I didn’t give birth until 12 hours later.  First off, I was hoping my water wasn’t going to break so I could hold off going to the hospital as long as possible.  If you didn’t know, you have to go to the hospital within the next hour after your water breaks.  I was standing at the hospital check-in desk doing the potty dance because my water was everywhere and dripping down my legs.  So embarrassing.

Glow?  Psh!  How about teenage acne on steroids!  Okay so mine wasn’t that bad.  I started off with a glow and 6 months in I had forehead pimples.  Ugh.  They lasted for only a couple weeks, but talk about insecurity at its finest.

Stretch mark creams do nothing.  I slathered on belly creams, butters, and oils at least 5 times a day everyday.  You would think I wouldn’t have any stretch marks right?  Wrong.  I look like a crazed tiger attacked me.  Let’s just say I don’t know if I will ever feel comfortable in a bikini again.

A surprising amount of men are attracted to you.  I was surprised how often I was hit on with a basketball belly. Like seriously?! I’m fat, I have intense farts, and there’s a human being inside me. One guy told me I was the hottest pregnant chick he has ever seen. I responded with “What about your wife who had your four kids?!” Some men disgust me. Others seem to like the fact that you’re fertile. Cavemen.

Everything gets darker during pregnancy.  I’m talking poop, your nips, and the line on your stomach.  Luckily things go back to normal afterwords.

Don’t have difficult veins like me.  The nurse will have problems and your blood will squirt all over her face.  Granted this isn’t pregnancy related but it happened to me.  I had to go back for more blood work to prove I didn’t give the poor nurse any diseases.

You can’t eat during labor. When my water broke I went straight to the hospital and didn’t feel any contractions until 8 hours later.  Let’s just say homegirl was hungry and watching Pat eat Subway in front of me did not make me happy.

Don’t think you won’t be a part of the 1% statistics.  My last month of pregnancy I had a condition called PUPPPS.  Basically, I had hives all over my body from my torso to the soles of my feet…ouch!  Walking would feel like I was stepping on bubble wrap, and I would scratch my feet like a dog.  I would even wake up in the middle of the night bleeding because I was scratching myself in my sleep.  I was told after I gave birth it would go away.  Wrong.  It went away about 2 weeks later when the pregnancy hormones started leaving my system.  Let me tell you…PUPPPS is for the birds.

Childbirth can be fun. Hear me out.  I think I had a good childbirth experience because I had a sucky last month of pregnancy.  The doctor, nurses, Pat and I were laughing our butts off between contractions because we were watching Knocked Up.  I was actually giving birth the same time Katherine Heigl’s character was, and my doctor was out of town like the movie.  I wasn’t screaming in pain I was laughing!  I had an epidural shortly before giving birth so that may have had something to do with it.  I waited for as long as possible until I got it because I didn’t want to slow the process or receive any pit.

You’re going to wear diaper sized pads after birth.  Why didn’t anyone tell me that?  You seriously have the worst aunt flo for weeks.  Plus, you have a cleaning ritual after each bathroom visit with a squirt bottle.  No tp allowed.  Oh yeah, and you rock some sexy mesh granny panties.  If childbirth didn’t turn your man on these sure will.

Buy Tucks for after childbirth.  You will thank me later.

You can’t control your gas.  You probably already knew this, but it’s worth noting.  I’ll just say I have a “friend” who ripped a big one in the middle of a busy store and waddled away as fast as possible while people laughed and stared in disgust.  Again, not my…errr my friend’s…best moment.

You will get leg cramps up the ying yang.  At least I did.  It blew chunks.  Every single night I would have the most excruciating leg cramps and it would get harder for me to do anything about it when I could barely grab my calves.

Your boobs will look awesome.  I went from a D to a DDD.  Then, after I quit breastfeed they were Cs.  For a short period of time they were Bs and I cried in the Victoria’s Secret dressing room.  Luckily, they don’t look like deflated balloons or something out of Nat Geo.  Thank you boob genes!

Pregnancy brain is real.  You might even put your milk in your cabinets.  Just saying.

After you give birth your stomach laughs back at you.  You laugh, your stomach laughs.  It’s like it’s taunting you saying “you’re still fat, sucker!”

In the end, none of it matters because you have a beautiful baby in your arms.  The moment I put Damian on my chest, called his name, and he looked lovingly at me is one of the best moments of my life. Your heart instantly melts and you aren’t aware of anything but the beautiful miracle.

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Have you met the gorgeous Lauren yet?

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  • Great post! And all so very true! I really hope my boobs don’t deflate after I stop breastfeeding!

  • Love that post, all of it is true !!! I hated being pregnant, but it was totally worth it in the end. As for the boobs, I was already a DD before my pregnancy’s now I’m a DDD, go figure !

  • Thanks for this post!! With family planning talk being more real now with my hubs and I, I always like hearing things from women who have gone through it. I really hope my boobs don’t grow 2 sizes… I’m already a DDD so deflating after breastfeeding wouldn’t bother me a bit!

  • lol I loved this post. I think i will put off pregnancy for a long time.

  • Haha love the part about cavemen! 🙂

  • hahahaha, I´m still laughing a bit.. My “sister-in-law” is having a baby in July/August, but I`m not sure about if I should share this post with her 😛
    But I am going to give the advice to have a funny movie to watch in case of slow labour or just to get her mind of the pain. Only one thing I`m thankful for that`s different in Norway, it´s that you can eat in the hospital.

  • Thank you for this! I’m not pregnant yet and I LOVE reading about real pregnancy experiences.

  • Just an FYI for anyone reading this – you don’t have to go to the hospital immediately agfter your water breaks, unless baby is premature. Most hospitals have a 24 hour “time limit” after your water breaks and if your contractions don’t start right away will most likely lead to pitocin, which will likely start the dreaded cascade of interventions that greatly increases your chances of a c-section. Also, the only reason you’re not allowed to eat/drink in the hospital is because of anesthesia. Labor is hard work, of course you should eat something if you feel up to it. Just don’t tell them 🙂

    • totally agree! with my last baby my water broke at 5 am and I didn’t go in till 7 pm!

    • Agree!

      They wouldn’t “let” me eat either. I did anyway.

      BUT I was informed- I knew my chances of having a c-section and the chances of having general anesthesia were slim.

      And I knew which foods were better than others (I wasn’t chowing down on sandwiches while in labor).

      Once contractions started arriving consistently, I didn’t feel like eating anyway =)

  • Great post- all good to know although I`m not planning a kiddo anytime soon. BUT I have lost 65+ pounds, meaning I gained that much first, and I have stretch marks gallllore and NO good excuse whatsoever for them, so I fully believe you can be hot & confident in a bikini once again 🙂

    Some Snapshots Blog
    Jess

  • remember how i told u that i wasn’t ready to have kids yet? i think you just pushed it back another few years 🙂

    love you!

  • Oh my goodness. I just know I will have stretch marks. I already have them, a little (a little since they have faded, after having them for TWENTY of my THIRTY years on earth), just from growing in 6th grade.

    I have serious body issues (yes, yes, most women do, but I am talking really really I do) so I am not necessarily scared of my body changing, I am scared I won’t be able to handle it emotionally.

    I do love pregnancy talk, though. I ask a zillion questions. 🙂 Loved this post!

    xoxo,
    Gayle | Grace for Gayle

  • Hilarious! I’m due TOMORROW and this is all pretty much true!

  • Nic

    Loved this! There were a ton of things I wish people had told me when I was pregnant.

    chevrons&anchors.com

  • I’m printing this out and saving it for when I need it!!

  • All of this – yes! 100%!

    — Emily @ runninglikeamother.com

  • This THIS! I love! Can’t wait till this happens to me too…wait… am i really saying this?! ha!

    Great post Andrea! Pat and Damian are such lucky boys!

    xoxo
    Andie

  • Lol! Thanks for keeping it real!

  • I must be the only woman on earth who has an aversion to the thought of even being pregnant… seriously freaks me out!

  • Alll these happened to me, my water broke at 2 am, didn’t have baby until 8pm…I had the mask, you know when your the outline of your face changes colors. I had pimples. I had pregnancy brain, I left my car keys in the mail box at our apartments (I have one of those push to start cars) and I threw away whole chicken sandwich (it took me about 20 min to realize what i did and i got it out the trash can and ate it, it was still in the bag.) Oh and and they just let me eat ice and when that baby was born, I told my is to go get me some Popeyes chicken with an extra biscuit.

    Great Post!
    -Rekita

    PS I also peed on myself a couple of times after birth, especially when I coughed or sneezed.

  • Laughed so hard I was crying!!! Thank you so much for sharing your pain. Hubby and I are talking baby talk so this is great info.

    Thanks again!!!
    Andi
    alookatlifefromadifferentangle.blogspot.com

  • WOW. Just wow. I will have to book mark this and come back to it when it applies but let’s just say I learned a TON – thanks for sharing!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

  • All true – My daughter is 4 years old and we are absolutely positive there are no more children in our future. I love my daughter but I am not doing that again.

  • Hope you have a very happy and healthy pregnancy.

  • sarah

    Oh my God, you have no idea how hard I laughed at the fart story. I thought I was the only one!!! 😀

  • Chelsea Mae Dickson

    Thanks for all the tips! Loved hearing your experiences 🙂

    • Andrea McCann

      haha have fun!

      In all seriousness, I am SO excited for you!!!!

  • Fischer Anita

    Not everyone gets stretch marks. F you’re a flexible person and do stretches and exercises you’re in good hands. The people that never stretch out their skin before theyre pregnant get stretch marks bc they never stretched it out.

    • Andrea McCann

      I was actually extremely flexible and exercised daily 🙁 Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for me with my genetics and short torso.